Which book has affected you the most?
For me, it’s hands down to The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. Throw away all your baby and self-help books…this is all you need to know…what you ALREADY knew, but forgot.
Click this link to watch an interview with Jean Liedloff explaining how we’ve lost touch with our human nature.
You can buy the book here.
Are we underestimating what our children can do and is it harming them?
Last week we needed to take our just-turned three year old to the dentist. The dentist took a look and said Charlie had three cavities. He said we’d need to go to a dental pediatrician for Charlie’s teeth as he wouldn’t be able to do it since Charlie was too young and fixing his cavities would ’traumatise’ him. Of course this should be avoided at all costs as to not scare him off dentists forever.
After some more questioning from me he reluctantly said he would give it a go, but it would have to be over several visits as Charlie wouldn’t be able to sit still for very long. But he concluded that if it was his child he wouldn’t do it. Despite my own memories of visiting a dentist before age five and not being traumatised at all (if I recall correctly, I kind of liked it) I was now not sure about what to do and so went to the dental pediatrician.
She examined Charlie’s teeth as well (for a fee double that of the regular dentist) and she said Charlie would need to be admitted to hospital and put under general anesthetic to have his teeth fixed. I asked whether there was any possibility of her fixing Charlie’s teeth without the general anesthetic and she said she wouldn’t recommend it, as three year old’s wouldn’t be able to sit still for that long and would probably be traumatised.
I asked whether she’d ever fixed a three year old’s teeth without general anesthetic before and she said yes, but only on remote islands where they didn’t have full facilities and then she never was able to do a good job because the kids couldn’t sit still for that long.
After hearing this from two dentists I made an appointment for him at the hospital. What a shock I got when I saw the bill. $1,100 for the dental work (to fill in three cavities!), $560 for the anesthetist and $1,400 for the hospital stay. Are they kidding?
Luckily a friend of mine works as a dental nurse, so we gave her a call to see if we had any other options. My friend was pretty confident they’d be able to fix Charlie’s teeth, especially when I mentioned that Charlie was perfectly happy sitting still with his mouth open during the two dental visits we’d had that day. I was a little tentative, but decided to give it a go. My friend said if Charlie got upset they’d stop, plus Charlie absolutely loves her, so that would be a big plus. If it didn’t work out, we’d go the general anesthetic.
The next day we drove two hours to the dentist. When we got there Charlie was a little worried about sitting in the dentist’s chair, so my friend let him press the buttons to make the chair go up and down. Pretty soon Charlie was relaxed and having fun. Then the dentist came into the room and greeted Charlie with a confident and friendly hello.
The next minute Charlie was sitting back in the dentist’s chair and the dentist was working on his teeth. Without fuss he cleaned Charlie’s teeth and put in the fillings. Charlie looked at ease and didn’t even flinch when the dentist did a bit of drilling.
The entire procedure took about half an hour and everyone was very impressed. The dentist kept commenting about what a big boy Charlie was and my friend have him smiles and gentle pats throughout. When the dentist announced he was finished Charlie jumped off the dentist’s chair and the first thing he said was, ‘that took a long time!’ then gave me and the dentist a high five.
Charlie’s been showing everyone his clean teeth and I don’t think the experience was a ‘big deal’ for him at all, let alone anything that would be classified as ‘traumatic’. If anything, the experience built his confidence and will serve him well if he comes across any challenges in the future. By not even giving Charlie a chance to experience this we’d be putting our own ‘fears’ onto him (that he obviously doesn’t even have) and teaching him that he isn’t capable.
When I was pregnant for the first time one issue I was concerned about was having an ultrasound.
I was concerned about it on several levels.
One issue was that I wanted to have a ‘positive’ pregnancy. I wasn’t the type to expect the worse. My philosophy is ‘don’t worry unless it’s real’ (most of the time!), so having an ultrasound kind of kills that. Here you are, making sure your baby has two legs and not three… So I did feel that having it would put a negative spin on the experience and meant I was assuming the worst.
But the bit that really concerned me about ultrasounds was the question of whether they were safe for the baby. I did lots of research but couldn’t find anything conclusive. It appeared that they tested the safety of ultrasounds on babies years ago, and since then ultrasounds have become much more intense, but they haven’t tested the modern versions – they just use the old studies to convince us everything will be fine.
At the same time the only information I could find about possible harm was tests done on animals and ‘hypothetical’ harm that could occur but no one has actually found to be the case (yet!).
So I ended up having two ultrasounds. One at 13 weeks to test for down syndrome and one at 18 weeks to make sure everything was OK. I was unenthusiastic both times. It was nice to see baby in my tummy but was it worth the possible harm?
As it turned out, there was nothing wrong with either of my babies, so in hindsight I probably should have avoided having any ultrasounds at all. But at the time you can’t help thinking, ‘what if…’
I still don’t know what’s best, but today I came across another article discussing the possible harm ultrasounds can have on our babies. I’ve decided to share it because it’s well written and quite comprehensive, so a good place to start if you’re wondering whether to have an ultrasound or more as well. Maybe one day the truth will be found out!
One of my family members is as we speak, waiting for her first born daughter to be welcomed into the world. Unfortunately, the medical profession has meant that the last few days of her pregnancy are surrounded by frustration and worry, rather than anticipation and relaxation. My pregnancies were likewise tarnished. And this makes me angry!
If you want to find out how long a normal pregnancy lasts, the answer you will find is that a ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ pregnancy lasts from between 37 and 42 weeks. Here are a few random sources backing this up (sorry that they’re not official sources, but I only have time for a quick Google to make my point. If you don’t trust this information speak to your doctor. I’m sure they’ll back it up!):
So, why do hospitals start talking about inductions as soon as you hit 40 weeks gestation?
They obviously do not have the woman’s best interests at heart. Instead they have arrived at a ‘reasonable’ date by which they think ‘most’ babies should be born and if you don’t fit into their ‘policy’ they’ll give you a few drugs to make sure you do. Who cares about how YOU feel and who cares about what type of birth your BABY experiences as a result (it’s commonly said that inducing labour can lead to further interventions and can result in forceps delivery or cesarean. I wouldn’t wish such an experience for my newborn…). And why shouldn’t we trust the hospitals? Two main thoughts come to mind:
1. Why is a doctor more ‘correct’ than your own body and your baby about the right time to be born. Considering that pregnancies last for a varied amount of time (as we’ve already found) and that even early ultrasounds can be off by up to five days in assuming the baby’s age, surely we should give more trust to our individual circumstances than ticking the hospital policy boxes?
2. Hospitals have different policies, so how do we know which one is right? Even the hospital I gave birth in twice had a different policy each time I was admitted. The first time they induced at 40 weeks + 5 days, but when I was there for my second delivery they waited a few days longer before worrying women with the ‘induction’ talk.
When should we really start to worry that our baby will NEVER be born or will have harm come to it by being born too late?
A popular study, titled The length of uncomplicated human gestation, found that uncomplicated first-time pregnancies last, on average, 274 days. The study said that when estimating a due date, you should count back three months from the first day of your last period and add 15 days, rather than relying on the common 40 week (266 day) gestation rule, which was founded by a Dr. Naegele in 1850 and for some reason is the basis of our medical treatment today.
How does this translate?
Say the first day of your last period was 1 January 2011.
If we go by the 160 year outdated rule that a pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, our due date would be 8 October 2011.
If we go by the recent study of pregnant women, our due date would be 15 October 2011.
That gives us at least an extra week of worry-free pregnancy – and that is an ‘average’, which means some women will be pregnant for longer than this. And considering that a ‘normal’ and ‘healthy’ pregnancy can last for up to 42 weeks, we can really relax until 22 October 2011! That is a whole 14 days of unnecessary stress and worry caused by our overly medicalised maternity care system.
(You’ll also be comforted to know that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 10% of all pregnancies go past 42 weeks…It IS normal! You are not a freak whose body is failing at the birthing process.)
But there must be a reason why hospitals are so keen to speed up the baby’s birth date
Sure, going past 42 weeks of gestation increases the risk of still birth from 2 in 1,000 to up to 7 in 1,000. So while the risk is higher, it is still TINY!* There are also other risks of complications, such as the baby passing meconium or the placenta not delivering enough oxygen due to its age, but these risks don’t really rate before 42 weeks.
Both of my pregnancies went way past the ‘due date’. Oli was born at 40 weeks and 11 days, while Charlie came a whole day earlier at 40 weeks and 10 days. Both were healthy and happy babies. Both times the hospital started asking me to ‘book an induction’. Both times I refused to even consider unless I went past 42 weeks. It can be very difficult to stand up against ‘hospital policy’ and so I allowed them to give me a ‘cervical stretch’. I went into labour two days after the stretch both times. Who knows whether it would have happened anyway?
What I am angry about is that for many women, the final days of pregnancy can be filled with worry and anxiety for no good reason. I challenge hospitals to take women into consideration when discussing hospital policy and tell them the truth about how long a healthy and normal pregnancy can last.
* http://www.uptodate.com/index
It all started when Oli was 27 months old and I stopped his night time feeds. With a new baby, I really needed to rest as much as I could and found feeding Oli during the night left me with very little sleep. So it was a ‘no boobas until day time’ scenario and after a few nights of tears and a few more weeks of hopeful requests that went unfulfilled, Oli was sleeping through the night.
Despite successfully night-weaning Oli, I still wasn’t completely happy with our breastfeeding relationship. While most kids Oli’s age had completely weaned or were only doing a few feeds a day, Oli was constantly asking for breastfeeds. While this never bothered me before, with a new baby brother who was attached to me 24-hours a day, Oli was using breastfeeding as his ‘security’ and asking for feeds more often that his brand new baby brother!
I couldn’t cope and sought help about what to do. Fully weaning him never crossed my mind and suggestions such as ‘offer them a food that they like’, ‘give them a cuddle’ or ‘do something fun instead’ just didn’t cut it with Oli. Breastfeeds were his most valued source of nourishment and entertainment and nothing could replace them. After a lot of ‘laters’ from me and a lot of crying from Oli, I finally found a solution that worked for both of us. A set number of breastfeeds each day.
We started out with five a day. I let Oli choose when he’d have them and he soon learned to space them out and not have them all in the morning! This was manageable for me and often enough for Oli to fulfil his needs. While he would always ask for more, he didn’t get upset when I said he’d had all five and would have to wait until tomorrow.
After a few months of this we cut down to four, then three. Eventually we got to two and when Oli hit age four, we were down to one a day. Each reduction came easily and only happened when I urgently felt the need to cut down and when I felt Oli was ready. It was easy and painless and I’m really thankful we discovered a method that suited us.
Once Oli was down to his one breastfeed a day (he chose to have it in the morning) I said he would finish completely when he was five. Oli didn’t complain and I figured we’d probably finish sooner. However, being only two months off age five, I’ve had to step in and hasten the process, as I really, really, don’t want to breastfeed Oli anymore.
I was fine with our daily breastfeed until a few weeks ago, when it just didn’t feel right anymore. I think the main reason I started feeling this way was because Oli has really matured lately. A few months ago he was throwing tantrums and fighting with his brother, then suddenly he was helpful, co-operative and showing a whole lot of brotherly love! The change was fast, dramatic and wonderful, but it also made me feel like I was breastfeeding a ‘boy’. A ‘big boy’. And it didn’t feel right.
I know many people breastfeed for longer than age 5, and maybe cultural influence has played a role in how I’m feeing (although I do think I’ve done a pretty good job at ignoring my culture when it comes to breastfeeding, seeing the great majority of babies are fully weaned by six months of age!), but there’s no fighting it. That’s how I feel and breastfeeding has to stop.
I told Oli about how I felt. I said that, yes, I did say he could breastfeed until he was five, but he was going to be five really soon and mummy just didn’t want to breastfeed him anymore because he was already such a big boy. We often discuss how our bodies tell us what the right thing to do is – our bodies tell us what foods we need to eat to be healthy, they tell us when we’re tired and need to go to sleep, they tell us when we’re sick and need medicine. I told him my body was telling me that he was getting too big for breastfeeding.
Oli understood, but was obviously disappointed. He didn’t agree to the revised timetable and said he’ll finish ‘when I’m five, not nearly five!’ I asked him why he wanted to keep breastfeeding and he didn’t want to tell me, saying it was a secret. Eventually he said because it tasted good, so I said he could have other drinks that tasted good, but he wasn’t convinced.
So I kept my promise and let him continue his daily breastfeed. Sometimes he’d forget to have his morning breastfeed, but his memory is keen, so usually he’d ask about it later. ‘Drat!’ I’d think to myself. Then last week, out of the blue with a twinge of hope, I asked him whether he’d prefer a game of Snap instead of a breastfeed, and he said yes.
I was excited and Oli was happy with the deal, so the next day when Oli asked for his breastfeed I said, ‘from now on you can choose between having a booba or playing a game of cards’. Being a keen negotiator, Oli answerd, ‘two games of cards,’ and it was agreed. The next day Oli chose to have a game of cards again.
He’s chosen to have a breastfeed a few times since then, but most of the time he chooses a game of cards. He hasn’t had a feed for nearly a week. We’re both happy and age five is getting closer and closer each passing day!
When I bought my newest mobile phone, the box came with a headset so I could speak on the phone without putting it next to my ear. Unfortunately I misplaced my headset and had to buy a new one.
When I asked the sales assistant for a headset he tried to sell me one without a cable. I told him I wanted one with a cable and questioned whether this would be any ‘safer’ than just using the mobile phone directly against my ear.
He gave me a look like I was crazy and replied, ‘I don’t think there’s any problem with using mobile phones. If the government lets us sell it then it must be safe’ (or something to that effect).
Uh huh…I’m thinking asbestos, cigaretts, Bisphenol A, sunbeds etc etc
So feeling like a total dweeb, I bought my cabled mobile headset and have been using it happily ever since. Not only do I feel safer, but I find it’s much easier to hear what the other person is saying as well.
Anyway…now the International Agency for Research on Cancer, which is part of the World Health Organization (WHO), has said that using mobile phones is ‘probably carcinogenic’ based on an increased risk for glioma, a malignant type of brain cancer associated with wireless phone use.
To keep yourself safe, WHO advises to use hands-free devices (like my nerdy headset) or texting.
If you want to find out more, here is the report.
Picky eater
Babcia served us a hearty snack of chicken soup with noodles, which Oli initially refused, but decided to eat after seeing how much Charlie loved it. Oli even ate the carrot in the soup after I told him he wouldn’t taste it because it was covered in soup. As he munched on it he asked me whether he’d be able to see in the dark better and I said, ‘yes!’ I think he must have been quite interested in eating carrots for that reason, but just not being able to bring himself to eat it.
Same problem, different result
Grocery shop 1. It started well, but when we were at the checkout Charlie insisted on grabbing some chocolate from the ‘tempt the kids by putting chocolate at their level while waiting at the check-out’ display. I said no, but Charlie wouldn’t listen, so I put him in the trolley. He wasn’t very happy about this and cried for ages. Eventually he wanted to get out, so I said, “OK, as long as you’re a good boy” and he was fine after that.
Grocery shop 2. Once again, after a long grocery shop we found ourselves at the temptation checkout. Charlie went to grab the juice drinks with the cute fish pictures on them placed at exactly his eye level. I told Charlie that we weren’t going to buy any juice today. Charlie got a rebellious look so I said, ‘put it back Charlie. You’re such a good boy!’ and turned around to continue paying for my groceries. Then Charlie zoomed round the corner with a big smile on his face, ‘me put it back mama!’
Blown away
Babcia, Oli, Charlie and me went for a walk to the park. It got a bit windy and Oli started getting worried that the wind would make him swing higher on the swing. Even though both Babcia and I reassured him that the wind wasn’t strong enough to move him, he wasn’t convinced and decided to get off the swing.
Patience is a virtue
Charlie didn’t want to get off the slide so Oli got angry and pinched him. I went over to try and resolve the problem. I told Oli that rather than get angry at Charlie, we should just ask him to share. I asked Charlie to get off the slide so Oli could have a turn. Oli didn’t think Charlie would do it, but I told him to be patient because I knew Charlie would make a good decision. Oli waited patiently and after a minute Charlie said, ‘Oli’s turn!’ After that they played really well, making sure everyone got a turn.
Oli’s first ‘sickie’
Oli was upset about having to go to pre-school and said, ‘remember how I was sick last time and I didn’t go to pre-school? I’m sick again today.’ I just looked at David, who last night told me that he didn’t think we should send Oli to pre-school because he didn’t want to go. So I said to Oli that he gave it a good try, and got to know some people and found out what it was like, so if he still didn’t want to go then he wouldn’t have to. I reminded him about all the friends he made, like Elijah and Sarah, and his favourite teacher, Miss Ali, and he did look in two minds about it. But in the end he just preferred not to go. I asked him if he wanted to take his pre-school bag with him on the way to take me to work in case he changed his mind and he said ‘yes’, so I was hoping he’d decide to go, but no, he didn’t. So there’s no point making him go if it’s always going to be a battle and he’d prefer not to be there.
Animal noises
Charlie enjoys pretending to be a cat. He just meows instead of talks. ‘Meow, meow, meow, meowww.’ Today he pretended to be a bird instead.
Me happy now
Charlie has a really cute habit of saying ‘me happy now,’ after he calms down when he is upset. One day at the supermarket Charlie got so upset that I had to take him outside to settle down. Can’t remember what he was so upset about, but it was evening and he was tired. We sat down on the curb and he had a breastfeed. After he finished he looked up at me with a smile and said ‘me happy now’.
Good natured kids
One morning our friends stayed over and joined us for breakfast. The boys enjoyed having their ‘favourite baby’ Xavier with them and Oli sat next to Xavier during breakfast holding his hand. After breakfast the boys were playing chasing and Xavier fell over. Charlie bent over, and I instantly thought Charlie was trying to take the toy Xavier was holding, when in fact, he was trying to pick Xavier up! I felt so awful for thinking this that I gave Charlie (who was upset at me) extra kisses and apologised. I then watched them all playing and saw how compassionate and caring Charlie was being. He made sure he never pushed Xavier over when they were running (even when Xavier stopped mid-stride, Charlie would be aware and would stop or dodge him) and gave him cuddles and lots of smiles.
Future chef?
One evening Oli helped me with dinner. He put the fish fingers on the baking tray, pealed a quarter of one potato and put the broccoli and cut up potato in the water to boil. He really enjoys cooking.
Easter bunny disaster
Charlie and Oli got two big chocolate bunnies for Easter from Babcia and Dzia Dzia. Oli only took the wrapping off his Easter Bunny chocolate ears but Charlie wanted to take all the wrapping off at once. Babcia told Charlie not to do that, as it would waste all the chocolate (it was a big bunny) and Charlie got upset. Then Dzia Dzia said to let Charlie do what he wants so Babcia gave him his bunny back. Charlie was happy again and started unwrapping his bunny, throwing the wrapping on the floor. Then Dzia Dzia complained about that so I had to tell Charlie to put his wrapping on the table. That upset Charlie again who started to cry. David suggested I take the boys outside, so we all went out to the back yard and the boys got to eat their bunny’s the way they liked!
The walk
During a walk one night, Oli wanted to go in one direction and Charlie wanted to go in another. I did enie-meanie-mini-mo and Charlie won. Oli wasn’t happy and started crying, telling us that he wanted to go the other way because it was a faster way to get to the park. After hearing Oli cry for about a minute Charlie said, ‘OK Oli,’ and agreed to go Oli’s way.
Fighting sleep
Oli is incredibly good at staying awake. While Charlie always asks me to take him to bed when he feels tired, Oli stays up, rolling his body around and trying to keep his eyes open, flopping around everywhere and making moaning sounds. When he started doing it tonight I said, ’come on, let’s go to bed and cuddle’. Oli said, ‘OK, but not go to sleep’. I said, ‘let’s just cuddle’. After about five minutes Oli was fast asleep.
Cute or not?
Charlie has discovered his screaming voice and has started making little short loud screams when he’s angry. At the moment I’m considering this as cute but I’m hoping it’s a phase, as it won’t be cute in a few months time!
Jelly and peaches
Oli and I made jelly together for the first time. Oli got out a pan and I gave him the jelly packet and told him to empty it into the pan. He had some trouble opening the packet and ended up getting some crystals on the floor, but did well. I then poured the boiling water in and Oli mixed it up. I told him when he’s mixed it all to put in the cold water, which I left for him. He got bored mixing it so I finished it off and poured the jelly into containers. Then Oli put the jelly in the fridge and we were done.
All afternoon Oli was checking on the jelly to see if it had set. Eventually I served it for dessert with some peaches. As is typical with my two, Oli loved the jelly but not the peaches (I asked him to try one and he looked like he was going to throw up, so I gave up) and Charlie loved the peaches, but not the jelly. So weird how they’re opposite.
Where is the broccoli?
Oli and I were planning to share a chocolate, but before we did this I insisted he eat some broccoli. After some pleading he finally agreed and told me he was going to eat it. He came out a minute later with a big smile, saying he had eaten it and explained how it had happened. I asked him, ‘are you tricking me?’ and he immediately said, ‘yes!’ I asked him where it was and he told me it was in the bin. We then got another piece of broccoli and this time he really ate it and we shared the chocolate. Although, of course, his half had to be bigger than mine!
Each time I’ve consulted a medical professional about one of my boys having a fever, they’ve advised to give my boys some Panadol to ‘bring the fever down’. I’ve ignored this advice, as it doesn’t make much sense to me, and a new study has confirmed my suspicions.
Is a fever an illness?
I’ve always thought of a fever as the result of a healthy body ‘gathering arms’ and fighting a bloody battle to defeat the enemy ie bad germs that make you sick. The bigger the fever, the bigger the battle. Whenever I was sick with a fever I’d get myself into bed and spend the day/night sweating it out, usually feeling fine the next day. So I was quite surprised that when my boys had fevers, doctors recommended bringing their fever down with Panadol and tepid baths.
Weren’t fevers meant to be ‘good’?
My fever remedy
I decided to go half way between what I believed and what I was told (maybe it was dangerous to overheat kids with fevers?) and dressed my boys down (although I still put a shirt or light blanket on them!) whenever they had fevers. However, I couldn’t bring myself to give them Panadol. Instead, I would breastfeed them through their fever and let them rest all they wanted, which meant a day on the sofa cuddling them (and reading or watching movies) or a night being woken up frequently for feeds (keeping their hyrdation up plus all the healthy stuff breastmilk provides to make sick kids better!).
So, now they’re saying fevers ARE ‘good’!
A new study published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics has come out saying exactly that. In describing fevers, it explains that they’re useful in bringing down infection.
‘Fever…is not the primary illness but is a physiologic mechanism that has beneficial effects in fighting infection. There is no evidence that fever itself worsens the course of an illness or that it causes long-term neurologic complications.’
The article advises parents to treat a fever by improving the child’s overall comfort rather than focus on the normalising body temperature. It advises doctors to tell parents to look out for their child’s well-being, monitor them to check they aren’t getting worse and ensuring they remain hydrated. I think a day on the sofa nursing your child will achieve this much better than pain relievers, which may not only hide the fact that your child is getting worse, but have also been linked to asthma and other negative outcomes.
Our last (scary) fever experience
When Oli has a fever it’s one thing, but since Charlie is susceptible to febrile convulsions (which cause seizures during fevers), whenever Charlie has a fever my heart sits in my throat and I pray he won’t have a convulsion (apparently they’re not dangerous, but they’re frightening for a parent to watch). Because of this doctors have advise me to give Charlie Panadol whenever he has a fever to prevent a febrile convulsion. Once again, I ignore this advice, particularly since the hospital literature on febrile convulsions spells out that giving Panadol WON”T prevent febrile convulsions.
The last time Charlie had a fever I put him to bed and stayed with him the entire time. I was scared he’d have a febrile convulsion, and he had a tiny one in his arms, but that was as bad as it got (thank goodness). When his fever hit 40 degrees at 2am my partner and I became worried, so we called a 24-hour children’s health hotline to find out if we should take him to hospital.
The hotline told us fevers weren’t inherently dangerous and if Charlie was otherwise fine (breathing OK, hydrated, conscious) then just to give him some Panadol and let him rest. I asked how high could the fever go before we should worry, and they told us 42 degrees, which really surprised me as I was under the impression that 38 degrees was a tipping point. (Although I must note Charlie was nearly two years old. If a baby under six months has a high fever it’s important to have them seen to).
Comforted that Charlie’s fever wasn’t dangerous, I let him sleep rather than wake him up to give him Panadol, as I deeply believed the sleep would be more beneficial. The next morning Charlie woke up with a runny nose to show for his battle night and luckily avoided any febrile convulsions. I’ll do the same next time.
* http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2010-3852v1
